IN ISRAEL, THE APPETITE COMES WITH EATING

The army has handled the work in Gaza – the first stage of Greater Israel, Yahweh’s personal gift to his chosen people – with seriousness and restraint. In the West Bank, however, the settlers have taken charge: good folk who believe that ‘it’s all mine; God promised it to me’. In Lebanon, on the other hand, the tasks were divided: the soldiers rained down white phosphorus, whilst the settlers carried out proletarian expropriations. But the settlers have learnt that if you get away with it once, you might get away with it a second time too. And so these enthusiasts of ancient history and of the motto ‘what’s yours is mine and… keep quiet or you’ll get a beating’ have remembered that, according to the biblical narrative, part of Syria was also the land of the Jewish people. And so, with the help of the army – which, in accordance with international law, on the one hand warns: ‘Behave yourselves, this isn’t right, you’re going too far…’ and on the other reassures: ‘Go on, I won’t look’ – And so, believe it or not, for the past couple of months we’ve had yet more new settlements (read: occupations) in Syria, already under the rule of the bloodthirsty Assad. Jordan, Iraq and Egypt had better watch out. The time has come, dear readers, for us to start studying the Bible; I wouldn’t want us, unprepared as we are, to find ourselves included in the Promised Land without even realising it.